Wednesday, December 9, 2009

You're dumb. Stop it.

So...I am trying to understand the idiocy and ignorance that a LOT of people have around vegan food. It's one thing to not know what something tastes like, but it's another to be disgusted by it without ever having it.

And the BS excuse of, "I have had vegan x before" doesn't fly there is only ONE way to make that?! Does that apply to anything? No, it doesn't. Have you ever had a traditional meal at restaurant B that you normally get at restaurant A, but this version is way below your standards? Of course you have (or a similar experience). How can you NOT understand that there are different ways to make the same thing?

Your tastes and your reaction to tastes are responding on a very simple level.

Baked goods, for example. You usually need sugar, flour, fat, binding and flavor. YOU DON'T NEED DAIRY. YOU DON'T NEED EGGS. They have jobs that are handled just fine by substitutes!


I made vegan chocolate chip cookies for the office last week. They were amazing. I got compliments for days. One girl ate three of them. She just told me that when she went to her personal trainer yesterday and went over what she ate, his reaction to the cookies was, "Vegan cookies? That sounds disgusting."

Disgusting. That is the word he chose.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!! You act like vegan food is made of sticks, mud and gravel. Like vegan standards have to be so low that vegans just get used to sucky food. Get bent.

There are two things that I think cause this reaction:

1-Ignorance. People were brought up a certain way and, unless they have a reason, will NOT accept the idea that they don't have the full picture. Accepting the possibility that any kind of vegan food can be amazing is also accepting the possibility that they don't quite have the world figured out yet. So what do they do? Let go of ego and say that they can't make a judgment on it until they experience it? No. That would be responsible. Instead, they insist that things are the way they think they are without needing to experience it in ANY form at all. This is what people do. Because people are dumb.

2-Guilt. The idea of being vegan also comes with the idea that vegans are "right" and others are "wrong". For everyone who is not vegan, that is irritating/threatening. So, again, how do they combat it? Put it down, insult it, state that it's "not normal" or weird. Or disgusting. Basically, they say anything they can to convince themselves that, yes, they were right all along and it's the vegan who is the odd man out.

I have to preface my explanation EVERY TIME someone asks, "Why are you vegan" by saying that I don't like talking about it because people get defensive. To which they always reply with, "Oh no, I won't do that!"

What you eat makes no difference to me. In fact, what you DON'T eat is a bigger deal to me.

Combine these two factors and it's easy to see how people can be so incredibly close minded regarding vegan anything.

What's worse is when an "anti-vegan" tries to eat something vegan. They are coming from a place of aggression and hostility. They aren't looking for the amazing, they are looking for the fail. Saying things like, "There is something different about this cake..." instead of, "GOD that's moist!!" is all the indication you need to understand that they don't even want to bother to begin to accept the idea that it can be good...because that would open the possibility that their labels are incorrect and THAT is just too much.

What do you think of vegan frosting?

Guess what is in frosting! Sugar and fat! The end.

This idea of replacing key components with other, non-animal key components absolutely baffles people. Like, the really DON'T UNDERSTAND how you can NOT use eggs. And they don't want to understand.

Maybe you will taste a difference, but does it matter? Are you so obsessed over the fact that there is no milk in the cake that you refuse to acknowledge the mint, rich chocolate and super moist texture.

Yes. Yes it does seem to matter for some people.

Here is the deal. If I ever offer you anything vegan. EVER. Eat it. Don't smell it like you are smelling a turd in your hand, don't nibble on it reluctantly like you are biting the head off of a cockroach, EAT IT!!! IT'S FINE!!!!!!